No Kings Day: America’s Peaceful Protest vs. Trump’s Lonely Military Parade

In a stunning display of democracy in action, thousands of Americans took to the streets for "No Kings Day" protests—a nationwide rejection of Donald Trump’s self-coronation as America’s first "President for Life" (or at least, that’s what he seems to be aiming for). The protests were peaceful, spirited, and, most importantly, not attended by a single tank—unlike a certain military parade we all remember. 





The People vs. The Parade

Let’s talk numbers. The No Kings Day protests saw massive turnouts in cities like Philadelphia, Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York, where crowds waved signs reading "Not My King" and "Democracy Over Dynasty." Meanwhile, Trump’s "I Love Me Some Military Hardware" Parade in Washington, D.C., was about as well-attended as a MAGA rally in downtown Manhattan, which is to say, not very. 



The contrast was glorious. On one side, you had Jamie Raskin in Philadelphia, delivering a barnburner of a speech about democracy while the crowd cheered like they were at a Beyoncé concert. On the other, you had Trump, unconsolably weeping in front of a half-empty bleacher section, looking like a man who just realized his golden toilet had been repossessed. 

The Faces Say It All

Trump’s face during his parade: A mix of confusion and disappointment, like a kid who ordered a "big, beautiful military parade" from Amazon and got a plastic army men set instead. 

The crowd’s face listening to Raskin: Pure, unadulterated joy, like they’d just been told “student loans were canceled, and free tacos were on the way”. 


Cops vs. Reality

Before the protests, some law enforcement officials (who apparently get their intel from QAnon forums) warned of "potential violence." Instead, what we got was people singing, chanting, dancing in the streets, and waving flags—basically, the opposite of January 6th. 

Meanwhile, in a tragic and darkly ironic twist, House Speaker Melissa Hortman and her husband, Mark, were murdered earlier in the day—a politically motivated act that underscored the real violence threatening democracy, while the actual protests remained entirely peaceful. 

The Takeaway

The No Kings Day protests proved two things: 

1. Americans don’t want a monarch, unless it’s our beloved Country legend, Dolly Parton (and even then, she’d probably decline). 

2. Trump’s military parade was about as popular as a screen door on a submarine. 

So here’s to democracy! Be it loud and messy, it is still standing despite everything thrown at it so far.

And here’s to Trump’s parade: a sad, tank-filled reminder that no amount of hardware can make up for a lack of love from the people.

Long live the Republic! Down with kings! 

If you see a tank rolling down your street, it’s probably lost.

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